A big reason why I haven’t been writing a ton the last week is because I really feel like something is missing in my heart. I’ve been trying to fill it with all these external things. Than I realized this morning that I’m longing for a physical relationship with my daughter.
A year and a half ago, her father and I signed custody to my sister and her husband because we were so deep in our addiction that we couldn’t give her the proper care that she deserved. That was the hardest and most perfect decision we could’ve made for her. She’s in the best hand right now but that doesn’t mean it’s FUCKING hard.
Today, I’m feeling selfish because I feel like I haven’t done much for her but I need to remember that I gave her the greatest gift and I’m here getting health so that I can have her back in my life.
It’s been 7 months sense I’ve seen her and in a couple weeks I get to go out to Granny’s house in Long Beach and spend the weekend with her. I couldn’t be more excited to spend some good, quality time with her, to connect with her growing personality and to express how much I love and miss her.
I just can’t express the gratitude I have for my sister and her husband for taking her in when I couldn’t properly care for her. I miss her every single day. She will always be the love of my life and the most important little human to me.
I’m learning to HOLD ON. I’m doing the best I can right now. Things are HARD but I’m DOING it! ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I need to do something for myself, some alone time is SO MUCH needed. I’m not going to learn whatever God wants me to learn over night. Have patience. Love yourself. Have compassion for others. Everything happens for a reason. Do something nice for someone EVERYDAY! And PRAY! Pray for love, pray for God to be with you, always, pray for acceptance and patience for his will for you.