The last week I was really having a hard time being patient with Gods will for me. Why can’t everything just happen RIGHT NOW!? Why don’t I know all the answers?
But like I said in a post earlier this week, “It’s not about the destination but about the journey to get there.” I’ve had to remind myself this about 5 times a day.
When you don’t know the answers to some situation in your life, you need to understand that God already has it all in place for you; so be patient and live in the moment. Everything happens in God’s time; it may not even work out how you ever thought it would but in time, if you can be accepting of whatever the outcome may be, then you will be grateful and happy with it.
I heard in a meeting a few weeks back; “I have good days and I have great days. Good days are when things are going smoothly and gracefully. Great days are when God puts difficult obstacles in my life and I still hit the pillow sober!”
This has helped me so much the last week because I feel like this is a very difficult time in my life, where I am learning so much about myself and my recovery. I am pushing through until there is a spiritual relief.
I’m also learning that I need to fully turn to God in every aspect of my life before I can find my true self, for one, and love in another human, for two.
Today is a much better day. I had some huge breakthroughs. I’ve been reaching out when I’m struggling and I’m BREATHING DEEP through all the bullshit that arises. I’m learning to LET GO AND LET GOD when at all possible. And reminding myself that GREAT things come to those who wait. I have meditated on peace and happiness and self love, something I haven’t done in a few weeks.
GROUNDING MYSELF!! Remembering that I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM STRONG, I AM LOVED, I AM CAPABLE, I AM A MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER OF GOD!!! Today is a beautiful day to SMILE. The mountains are changing so beautifully, I am constantly surrounded by amazing, beautiful women, who love me unconditionally.
Also, what an amazing gift this is, getting to write my experience. I was talking to my mom the other day about the hard things that are going on with my daughters father and she said, “You know what, Kjarsti, you’ve always been someone to learn things the hard way, as shitty as it is, it is a beautiful thing because you get to help others through some HARD shit!”
That is very true today. I am grateful I get to help anyone that can take in what I’ve learn and grow from it. I am so grateful to be where I’m at today. I’ve grown so much. Being an addict is fucking hard but it’s so beautiful if you’re willing to do the work.