Man, have I been holding on to some serious resentments the last couple weeks. Expecting anyone and everyone (mostly my daughter’s father) to read my mind and react the way I want them to react. It’s like I’m over here so pissed off that he’s handling this break up the only way he knows how and pissed off that I’m handling it the only way I know how.
“Look at it from all angles. Everyone is living in the own self created illusion. I have no idea why they’re acting out or where they’re coming from. So just because you think something is totally not ok, in their illusion it could be fine and your way could be totally not ok.” – Jen Sincero, You are a Badass
FUCKING GIVING MYSELF WHIPLASH! One min I’m like all good and accepting of this situation and the next, I’m angry and want to cry and listen to nothing but break up songs than I’m back to being happy again. I guess that’s all normal, right? The good thing is, is that I’m doing the BEST I can, right now.
I was reading about how both men and women deal with break ups, supposedly it can take about 11 weeks to really see the positive in a break up. Huh, well I still have a while to go. So patience is key.
I’ve also been pretty upset that he’s been on my mind so much, and I should be handling this different, and all this negative shit about myself and how he’s MAKING me feel. When in reality, he isn’t MAKING me feel anything, the pain and loss I feel is expected after a 6 year relationship. I need to remind myself that, I’m actually happy not to have to please anyone or not having to “be good enough” for someone, because the most important thing right now is that I’m good enough for myself. It’s just a really long and hard process but I just need to trust in my higher power and trust that I will be ok, and I have no idea what the future holds but damn, I just want to be over this resentment towards him. I’m really working on forgiving him and forgiving myself for allowing him to hurt me so much.
I’ve been on this subject that last few posts but I feel it’s important to be real and raw with where I’m at in life. I love all my readers and I appreciate all the love I’m getting. Please pray for me. Much love<3