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Month: November 2016

Power is Words.

Power is Words.

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Ok, so my world has really been shifting in a serious positive way the last few weeks. My self-love has grown immensely, as well as my self awareness.  That’s not to say that I haven’t had my days where I’m just like completely confused about what’s going through my mind.

Like today, I’m on the verge of this huge shift and it’s right there, I can pretty much taste it and it just feels FUNKY! Like my thoughts are just in a WEIRD spot. Half of me really recognizing how well I’m doing and really loving myself and than the other is like what the hell is wrong with me? I’ve been single for 4 months (yes, I’m fully aware that so not even a long time, but in my world, it kind of is.) and no one that I’m even interested in has come into my life.

Wow, ok now that I finally have written that out in words, it sounds so odd and inaccurate! Power in words for sure!

So, today has been a little funky feeling, yesterday I wasn’t feeling well so I took the day to myself and my best friend of 16 years had her first child last night and I’m super giddy about that. Yay, babies!

Things are going SO WELL, no wonder I feel funky. If you would’ve told me a year ago that my life would be where it is today I probably would’ve seriously laughed at you and told you to fuck off! Sad, but so true. I had no idea of my worth.

God was just telling me I need to share what I’m feeling so I get on my blog and I haven’t even written anything in 2 weeks and in that 2 weeks I’ve gotten like 2,000 hits. WOW, I almost started crying because it’s amazing the growth I’ve done in the last few months and I’m so honored to get to share my experience with all of you! Thank you so much for reading and sharing.

It’s so crazy to think that last Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years AND Lilli’s birthday I was behind bars, at the very beginning of my BEAUTIFUL journey! I have no idea where I would be if I wouldn’t have gotten arrested that day, 11/11/2015.

I’m on the amazing road to being the amazing mother I was always meant to me. Just getting the opportunity to be present and see the amazing growth that my Lillipad has made in the last 1.5 years that she hasn’t been with me, is worth all the work I’ve done. I’m so grateful for my sister and brother in law for just flourishing with her. Loving her more than I could’ve ever imagined.

Thank you, everyone for cheering me on and loving me no matter what! You all mean the world to me. And a special thank you to my Higher Power for guiding me in the direction of happiness and acceptance. <3

 

And So It Is.

And So It Is.

I love you

I bless you

I forgive you

I release you

And so it is.

I’ve been having hard time letting go some character defects the last couple weeks and when my mom showed me this mantra it became apart of my daily release. Weather it’s for a person, place or thing. When I say it a few times in a row I can feel the peace and compassion flood into my heart.

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This past weekend I really struggled with feeling alone in a room full of people. It is only because I am my toughest critic. I found that my self talk was extremely negative. It’s like 25% of my mind has no idea of my worth so it’s like a constant battle in my head with the other 75%. 25% doesn’t seem like much but that 25% has a extremely LOUD VOICE and when she wants to be heard, she screams. That is when I found myself saying this mantra the most. And than that voice quiets and a much stronger, wiser voice chimes in.

 

“I love YOU because you are YOU,

I bless your heart,

I forgive your sins,

I release your negative energy,

AND SO IT IS!!!”

Everyday is a challenge but everything I want is on the other side of fear so my life depends on reaching out with the risk of rejection, my life depends on loving myself, my life depends on BEING OK with it just being me, for the time being

I never have been actually alone. My life just began 3 months ago when I became my own person. This is all a process and I just need to trust in that and trust in my Higher Power. As long as the knowledge of my worth is growing that’s all that matters because we all struggle with that. It’s a life long battle.

I’m grateful to wake up sober this morning.

I’m grateful that my daughter KNOWS who I am; even through the phone.

I’m grateful to be self sufficient.

I’m grateful for the ability to learn and grow, everyday.

I’m grateful for the power of words and thoughts.

I’m grateful for the ability to change a negative into a positive.

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I AM STRONG!!!

AND SO IT IS!!!